I feel like I am afraid of something, and I am not sure what that something is, what “it” looks like or how to not be afraid of it…… “It” doesn’t have a face or body or soul, it’s not giving me any hints so I can see “it” but I know it is there, lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce. I think about “it” and hope that “it” will stay sequestered and out of my personal space….but I know “it” is there. “It” makes me worry and do things to avoid a collision or worse yet a disaster. The mere thought of meeting up with “it” terrifies me.
So what do I do about “it”? “It” has been around so long that I am not sure what I would do without having “it” in the background……sneaking in the shadows. Most of my years here on this earth plane have been spent trying to keep “it” at bay. To distract myself I make my life busy so I forget that “it” is there. I tease my inner self by saying that if I work harder and faster and become an expert at life “it” will go away and stop bugging me. Hard to be me I say…..complicated….. and “it” knows that about me. “It” is an energy vampire, sucking away at my bone marrow, my time, my world. “It” is so bright sometimes that I cannot see my surroundings as I am blinded by the presence of the negative energy “it” gives off.
I’ve also tried to put blinders on, so I don’t see “it”. If I don’t see “it”……”it” is not there…..right?? Although all the blinders I’ve tried made “it” stronger… Education, food, beer, wine, love, people pleasing, perfectionism, comparison, self-loathing, pity (the list could go on) have all fueled “its” strength and power.
So, after about 40-50 years of contemplating what “it” is I think I have finally figured “it “out!! Hallelujah!! Praise the universe and damn “it”….. about time. “It” is just that feeling that I am never good enough……as many times as I write down that I am amazing, or that people tell me how good I am or I look from the untainted part of my brain that sees me as a good human that was put on this earth to do good………I still feel not worthy sometimes….and “it” lurks in by personal space just far enough away so I can see “it” but I can’t touch “it” to make “it” go away. “It” has also affected my happiness and made my many successes harder to achieve.
Well, frankly, I’m over “it”! Sick and tired of the worries, life sucking energy and bulls@#*t “it” has created in my life, both personally and professionally.
So here is the solution…. ready…. wait…. here’s the answer for both of us …. listen to your mind and body and turn up the volume from your soul! We don’t have to be afraid of “it” anymore because we created “it” and we can make “it” disappear into the sunset.
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